The Things People Carry

You can see some strange things in this town. And I'm not just talking about when Santa-Cali-Gon rolls into town, I'm talking day in and day out. When I see people walking down the street I can't help but be curious about them. Why are you walking? Where are you going? What is that you're carrying?

The other day I was driving down the street when heading down the sidewalk towards me was an older man with a sweatband around his head. Typical. Just trying to get some fitness in. But as I got closer I saw he was carrying something. A water bottle? A sweat towel? Nope. He was carrying a tiny radio. Not a Walkman or an iPod. No sir. He was carrying a full-blown, antenna outstretched, coffee table radio. It made me smile.

A few days later I was passing by the local Wal-Mart, my favorite, and I saw another man carrying something strange. First of all, I usually feel bad when I see people leaving the store, especially the grocery store, walking home with all their loot. You could never buy ice cream, it wouldn't make the trip home. I digress... this particular man was walking crazy to begin with because he was trying to walk straight across a pretty steep, grassy hill. Not only this, but his balance was also jeopardized because in one had he was carrying a large, heavy looking box. As I passed, I got a close look at his special new purchase. A chainsaw. This man was walking, across the foot of a steep hill, with a giant chainsaw in a box. Never a dull moment.

Scaredy Cats

My dad always told me I'd make a good children's author. He always told me that I should write a book. "That's how you'll get famous" he'd say. So maybe I should start on that...

I was thinking about children's books last night. As I was remembering my personal favorites (Sideways Stories From Wayside School, what what!) I realized that a lot of children's books are creepy. One of the books that I remember to this day is In a Dark, Dark Room and Other Scary Stories by Alvin Schwartz. I don't remember all of the scary stories in this book, but I do remember one called "The Green Ribbon". It's about a girl who wears a green ribbon around her neck. She never takes it off. Despite her husbands constant curiosity about the ribbon she refuses to remove it. Finally, she takes it off... and her head falls off. What in the world?! This is a children's book! Scary...

Next up we have the timeless story of Hansel and Gretel. Talk about a scary story! If telling kids a witch will put them in an oven and eat them doesn't keep your kids from running away, you must be doing something terribly wrong.

How about Jack and the Beanstalk? An innocent boy just wants to plant some bean seeds and ends up getting hassled by a giant beast man! Rapunzel, an imprisoned girl is used as a rope to hoist people up to her prison cell. And Goldilocks? Inappropriately scary.

Maybe my dad was trying to tell me that I frighten small children? Either way, I think I should get started on that book.

What Did You Eat!?

Alright...

So, I'm watching this show on TLC called "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". It's sort of like a train wreck. I really don't want to watch this, but it's so strange I can't change it. The program is pretty self-explanatory. It's a documentary following these women who didn't know they were pregnant, obviously.

I remember in high school I heard a story about a girl who had a baby without knowing she was pregnant and I thought, "what a joke." I'm a female and no, I have never been pregnant, but one would think it would be pretty obvious, right? Maybe I don't want to believe it, but I've heard several stories about girls getting pregnant while taking their birth control regularly. I don't know... I just can't believe it.

So, back to this show. First of all, almost every one of these stories is about a rather large woman not knowing she was pregnant. Well... that's a little more believable, but still. These people don't realize that they're not getting their monthly visit from Mother Nature? Let's pay a little more attention ladies.

This last story they just showed was about a 57-year-old woman who had a baby! Is that even remotely healthy!? What a strange sight to see.

I'm starting to wonder if these stories are even true. Are these producers doing their fact checking? Maybe when I have a child I can say I didn't know I was pregnant either and be on the show too. Nobody would know. I'll just say that I had eaten a lot of Chipotle, so I thought I had just packed on an extra 30 pounds. I forgot that I didn't have a period for the past 9 months. I was throwing up every morning and craving bacon wrapped pickles, but that's not weird, is it?

Sigh... I've gotta find something better on TV...

Farewell To My Childhood Dance Partner

You can think he's crazy, you can call him names, but nobody can deny the amazing entertainer that was Michael Jackson. When I first heard the news of his death I naturally didn't believe it. He's always being gossiped about. "He's dead", "he's sick", "his face fell off", so I figured it was just another rumor. But when I finally saw the confirmation, I was surprised at how deeply it hit me.

I wasn't outright emotional. It wasn't like I lost a close friend or family member, it was kind of surreal. I felt kind of like a part of me was gone. Literally. You might think it's crazy because he's just some singer that I've never even met, but I have so many great memories that involve his music, videos and dance moves that it's hard to find an era of my life that didn't involve his music. It felt like I did know him. I felt like he had always been a part of my life.

You see, I was listening to Michael Jackson on vinyl before I was even born. My mom was a big fan and owned records all the way back to the Jackson 5. I'm pretty sure I learned how to use a record player with the Thriller album. That's not the only thing I learned either. I have so many memories of my brothers and me dancing to MJ from when we were tiny babies even up to today. I remember when I first saw his Dirty Diana video, I was in love... and I was probably 5 years old. When we got the Moonwalker movie on VHS I swear I watched it at least 3 times a week. If you haven't seen this movie and you're an MJ fan, watch it, it's great. Even if you're not a fan, you'll become one. You think it's a coincidence that the little girl's name in that movie was Katie? I think not.

Yes he had some crazy years in his life, but when you're forced to be an adult when your 5 years old I can't expect your life to be normal. We wanted him in the spotlight, we wanted him to be the superstar that he was, we didn't give him a chance to be a normal human being.

Despite all of the crazy things he did in his life, it's undeniable that he was an amazing entertainer. He's inspired so many people all over the world in such an intense way. Watching videos from his concerts, seeing his fans screaming, crying and literally fainting just at the meer sight of him standing on stage absolutely amazes me. I always held hope that he would decide to do one final tour in the U.S. I would have even settled for 1 single show in the U.S. I would have been there. The cost of the ticket wouldn't matter, I would have paid it. To witness him, live, giving it his all up there would have been worth every single penny. A live Michael Jackson moonwalk... I probably would have passed out too.

Sadly, since he's gone I won't be able to see him live. I'll have to cling to my Moonwalker VHS and my old tapes and CDs for now. He will live on through his legendary music and his unforgettable dance moves. There is no doubt that I will be a Michael Jackson fan for life.

"If you enter this world knowing you're loved & you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with" - M.J.

I'm Baaaack!!

Dear Lord it's been 2 months since my last post!!  Where have I been!?  I think I've been lazy.  That's where I've been.  Plus we're not "supposed" to be on the Internet at work and our Internet at home works when it feels like it (which is usually like 2 in the morning only).  So here we are, reunited.  

There have been some things I've been wanting to write about lately, so let's start...

A van zoomed past me the other day with "Just Divorced!" on the back window.  How depressing.

I'm sick of unnecessary Facebook status updates.  What is wrong with people?  I already deleted one friend- preface... he wasn't even a friend.  I guess we went to high school together?  I have no idea who he is.  I deleted him solely based on his ridiculous status updates.  I kind of wish I would have relayed some of his updates before I defriended him, but let's just say that I know EVERYTHING about him and "Denise's" love life.  Weird.  And inappropriate.  Ugh... I have another "friend" who is equally as bad, if not worse.  First of all she used to post updates about how her and "Clint' might be having problems, but they'll work through them and how "Clint" didn't beat her, they're just going through some things that she needs to think about.  Today, her status says, and I quote, "glad that passing the stones hasn't hurt a bit... woohoo..."  Are you f-in kidding me!?  Does she not realize that she's posting this on the world wide web??  She's done.  Defriend.  

I'm watching "16 and pregnant" on MTV.  Thank GOD I was never 16 and pregnant.  End of story.

I'm itching to travel.  Not even far, just get away for a while.  A good friend lives in California and I'd love to go see her.  Another friend is moving to Arizona on Saturday, let's do it.  I have another friend debating about moving to Canada... I've never been to Canada before.  And I keep picturing New York, Central Park during Christmas time... I think I just need to quit my job and travel.  Now if I could only find that money tree...

Lastly... go see The Hangover... HILARIOUS!!!

That's Not My Name

Does anyone else feel extremely awkward when people call you by the wrong name? Oh God, I do. I don't know if I should correct them and make them feel stupid, or just ignore it. It makes me really uncomfortable.

The other day I had to get new tires put on my car. The guy that took my information clearly heard my full name several times as he entered my information into their computer system. Yet, for some reason he kept calling me Jennifer?? First he was just like, "Okay Jennifer, we'll get started on your car and have it right out!" I just flashed an awkward (which probably came across as confused) smile and walked into the waiting area. Jennifer? Where the hell did he get Jennifer? Kate sounds NOTHING like Jennifer. Whatever. No big deal. Until he came traipsing into the waiting area a few minutes later...

"Miss Jennifer!" he said with a huge, cheesy grin on his face, "I have some information on your car I'd like to go over with you." Again, awkward smile. Should I correct him? No, just pretend you're hard of hearing. Okay, that's over with. No harm done.

As I sat in the desolate, dirty waiting area, by myself, I started thinking. This is going to be extremely awkward when my car is finished and I have to pay. When I hand him my credit card he's going to ask for my ID. My ID clearly says Kate... not Jennifer. Then he's going to feel dumb and ask me why I didn't correct him, then I'm going to feel dumb. Oh God, what the hell. Of course this would happen to me.

Luckily, when my car was done a different gentleman retrieved me from the waiting hole to check out. We were small talking as I signed the credit card receipt and everything was fine. I was in the clear because Mr. "Jennifer" was nowhere to be seen. As I picked up my paperwork and headed for the door here he came out of left field! "Thanks for comin' in today Jennifer!"

Ugh..... I politely said thanks and went on my merry way.

You think he was just messing with me?

Today it Hit Me

We hear about "the economy" every single day in the news.  How bad it is.  How this business is filing for bankruptcy.  How this store is closing.  On and on and on.  If there were a drinking game where we had to drink every time we heard the word "economy" we'd all be wasted, all the time.  Hmm... we might be onto something here...

Anyway, I realize that things are pretty bad, but it wasn't until today that it actually hit home for me.  Let me preface.  I work for a privately owned corporation that prides itself on it's honest and compassionate treatment of it's employees.  They don't fire or layoff employees in order to downsize, instead they downsize through attrition.  This basically means that instead of firing or laying off employees they reduce numbers through retirement or resignation.  Once employees move on from a position they just don't fill that spot, therefore making the department smaller.  Today that all changed.

I got to work this morning and soon after my arrival received an email from the Vice President of my department.  It said that we would be receiving an email from the President of our company discussing the state of our company and the future of each department.  Additionally we would be required to attend mandatory meetings which would occur anytime between 8:30 am and noon.  We were to clear our schedule during that time and would receive an email 15 minutes prior to our mandatory meeting.  Immediately everyone started panicking.  We had absolutely no indication that something would be going on today.  Nothing...  Five minutes later a handful of my coworkers got their email invitation.  In the email they were instructed to go to the 5th floor and someone would meet them and tell them where they needed to go.  Two of my good friends were to attend this meeting.  One of them left without saying a word, another left, fearful, with tears in her eyes.  

A half an hour later they were still missing, then I received my invite.  Please go to the 2nd floor conference room.  Luckily one of my friends was to attend the same meeting so we walked down together.  As we walked into the room my manager and our VP were both standing outside of the conference room, talking quietly.  Neither one of them greeted us as we walked in, which is totally out of character for both of these friendly, outgoing women.  We walked in and had a seat in the silent room filled with eight other visibly nervous employees.  Shortly after taking a seat my manager entered the room, shut the door behind her and had a seat.  She looked stressed, a little frantic and sad.  We had no idea what was coming.

Basically, our company has decided that it's time to react to this economy accordingly and in order for us to survive as a stronger, more successful company it was necessary to make cuts.  There are going to be between 550 and 750 cuts in my company, and 26 of them were coming from my department directly, 6 of which were my coworkers.  Luckily, my nervous and shocked group was safe, but for those that weren't, today would be their last day with us.  I knew as soon as she said there would be cuts that it would be the first group that had their meeting.  I knew my friends were gone.  My manager read the names of the 6 team members that we would be losing.  As she reached the last few names she started crying.  Everyone started crying.  

After she gave us all of the information she had some people asked questions, some people were angry, others were just quiet.  At the end of the discussion she told us to take the time we needed if we just wanted to stay and talk or just sit, or we could go back to our office.  Nobody moved but me.  I didn't want to be there.  I wanted to see my friends.  I wanted to make sure they were ok. 

When I got back to my office the first group still wasn't back from their meeting.  About 20 minutes later they finally returned.  I heard my neighbor packing up his office and I didn't know what to do.  What do you tell your friend, your teammate, that just lost their job.  No advanced warning, nothing that was deserved due to their poor performance or conduct.

One of my friends was recently married.  Her and her husband just bought a new house.  I just hope so bad that she can find happiness and not have to worry about her new home or her family's well being.  My other friend... him and his wife have been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby.  A few months ago they started in vitro and he told me how expensive it is.  Their first attempt ended in a miscarriage.  He told me today that they were planning to start trying again this Sunday, but now with 1/2 the family income, that won't be possible.  Another one of my friends that were let go has 2 kids, both of which are on her insurance plan.  The other one that was let go has been gone from work for a week... because his wife just had a baby.  

It was a really tough day at work.  Everyone was crying, whispering, ducking, packing.  Everyone has questions.  Nobody has answers because nobody knows.  As much as I complain about my job I'm thankful that I wasn't one of the people who had the rug pulled out from under them today.  Supposedly my department was one of the first to get the cut and after today we should be safe, but who knows.