Clown Car Uterus

The Duggar's are expecting their 19th baby...

God, I hate them.

Yum Yum

Is it just me, or do calcium pills taste like ice cream?

Maybe it's just my imagination...

Things I Don't Understand...

There are some things in this world that I'll never understand. No matter how hard I try, I just don't get it. Please, help me understand:

• Grown women who wear pigtails, especially when your hair is long enough for an age-appropriate pony tail
• Large women with tiny purses
• People who legitimately use the word "ain't"
• Mullets... seriously?

More to come...

Karma

I was getting ready for work yesterday. Make-up: check; hair: check; accidentally stolen earrings: check. As I go to put on my newly purchased Target shirt (a cute tank I've been eyeing for months, on sale for $9.oo) I realized something looked a little.... off. It's one of those shirts that's bunches at the neckline. However, the bunch on this one is noticeably to the far left. Not intentionally. I think this was you standard, run-of-the-mill case of Karma. Free earrings=defective shirt.

Yes, I wore the shirt to work anyway.

Let's All Go To The Movies!

It's funny to have conversations with people about movies. We'll get on the topic of a movie that EVERYONE has seen and I've never seen any of them. People are usually shocked by this revelation. I think I need to change that. I think I'm going to make a list of movies that I haven't seen that I need to see. Maybe then I can keep up with movie conversations and kick some ass at those movie trivia games. Here are the movies that I've never seen. Feel free to add your suggestions:

Pulp Fiction

Schindler's List

Any of the Godfather's

Any of the Harry Potter's

Any of the Lord of the Rings

Boogie Nights

Citizen Kane

Any of the Silence of the Lamb's series... no.. I take that back... I saw the first one, that's it

The Shawshank Redemption

I saw one of the Star Wars... I don't even remember which one

Ok, we'll start with those. I'm sure someone will drop their jaw at me soon and I'll be able to add another one to my list. Yay for excuses to watch movies!

I Accidentally Stole Something

I accidentally stole a pair of earrings from Target today. It was totally an accident! When I got to the car and was unloading all of my junk, I realized the earrings were stuck at the bottom of the cart. They were under the 50 pound bag of dog food which was under the 50 pound bag of cat food. By the time I realized it I was already out at the 600th parking space in the 88 degree heat. I was sweaty from the gym and I was starving. They were 10 dollars. Come on... Maybe I'll give them an extra 10 dollars when I go back next week. Maybe this was my gift for the millions of dollars I've spent there over time :)

The funny thing is, I never steal anything. I feel pretty guilty about it.

Eh, I'm over it.

Stitch Me Up

I think I might be falling apart. First I broke my toe, and I'm fairly certain it will remain strange looking for the rest of my life. It looks nothing like it's matching toe on my right foot. I should upload a picture, but you might get scared. Not only does it look fat and sideways, but it still hurts every once in a while if I step on it wrong. Is it normal to still have pain in my toe? I broke it like 3 months ago! My brother told me that it will have pain for the rest of my life. He then let out an evil laugh. So, I'm thinking he as joking. I'm hoping he was joking. He's not a podiatrist, okay?

I went to the eye doctor the other day because I'm having to strain to see the computer screen at work. Preface... I've had perfect eyes my entire life, until I started my current job. Apparently, starring at a computer screen for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week isn't good for your vision. I'm sure the black computer screen with the 1980's neon green writing doesn't help much either. I went to the eye doctor a couple of years ago and they gave me some simple glasses to use while I'm on the computer and until recently I've only needed them occasionally.

This time when I go for my appointment the doctor seems concerned. Great! He wanted to do some additional tests and dilate my eyes because it appears that I may have Glaucoma. Umm... Pardon me? Yeah... those words came out of his mouth. Mind you, I'm 25 years old... not 75. So, we did some additional tests, turns out I DON'T have Glaucoma, but I'm am what they call a "Glaucoma suspect". I guess it means that out of the 3 red flags to look for in a Glaucoma patient, I demonstrate one of them. They said it was nothing to be worried about, they'll just keep an eye on it every year at my yearly exam. I must say, I never saw that one comin'!

Next up, my shoulder is still popping from my last car wreck. I don't think it will ever go away. The other day at work I kept track of how many times it popped (yes, I get bored at work). The final count was around 36 times. It's quite annoying.

And lastly in the list of my ailments, my tongue has an extremely swollen taste bud on it today. So much so that I thought I had a piece of food stuck on the back of my tongue. After scraping and picking at it, turns out it's attached. Now it hurts. How did this even happen! Go away.