I usually hate infomercials, but you just can't deny the talent of Mr. Vince Shlomi. I absolutely love this guy. He's a total douche bag that I want to be friends with. I can totally picture this guy at a party- getting beat up. I want to know him.
Vince is the ShamWow guy. You know... this guy...
When I first saw these infomercials I'm not gonna lie, I wanted a ShamWow. First of all, the dude is wearing a Britney Spears mike around his head and looks like a complete weasel. I mean, surely the set had boom mikes, I don't think the headset was necessary. Love it. Plus his hair is super silly, especially considering that the guy is 44 years old! That's the hairdo of a 20 year old! Haha, I love this guy. Everything happens so quick in this commercial, Vince is wiping up everything under the sun and doesn't miss a beat! I want one. Well... a friend of mine did buy one and they suck. In fact, his are laying out in the backyard getting rained on where he tossed them months ago. Well, that's too bad. Guess I won't be seeing much more of Vince.
Until I stumbled across this fine gem...
Dear God. That was hands down the best infomercial I have ever seen. When it first came on TV I'm not gonna lie, I was so excited to see Vince again. What's even more beautiful about this ad is the camera angles and effects are getting fancier. They're mixing it up with the super fast zoom in/zoom out effect. I can't stop laughing the whole time this turd is talking. Let's highlight some key phrases:
"This tuna look boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life."
"You're gonna love my nuts."
"This is makin' you cry, you're makin' me cry. Life's hard enough as it is, you don't wanna cry anymore."
"Tacos, fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini."
And let's not forget his amazing shooting abilities as he casually tosses the Slap Chop over his head and makes it RIGHT into the sink. Ha! Billy Mays has got some serious competition on his hands.
To top off the hilarity that is Vince Shlomi, let's talk about the most recent news Mr. ShamWow has made. Apparently Vince paid a Miami hooker $1000 for a good time. However, I guess kissing on the mouth was an extra upcharge because when he attempted to do so she bit the hell out of his tongue and wouldn't let go. He then proceeded to beat the crap out of her. Wow. Tough break Vincent. You would think a guy as cool as the SlapChop guy wouldn't have to pay for his ladies. And, can you imagine if you were a hooker and this guy propositioned you! I'm not sure if that would be the high or low point of my career.
The point is that Vince was right, I do love his nuts. I wanna be his friend. I'd like to ask him why he can't find his own women and has to resort to hookers because he's clearly too cool for that. And I want a SlapChop... with a free Graty as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment