Things Santa Forgot to Bring Me

Dear Santa,

Overall, I thought I was a pretty good girl this year. Despite a couple of times when I might have been a better candidate for the naughty list, I think I made up for it in the end. However, there are some things you forgot to bring me this year. What's wrong? Did your sleigh break down and you lost some packages? I know we don't have a fireplace, but that's never stopped you before. In case you might have lost my wish list, I'll go ahead and send it to you again. Here are the things you forgot to bring me this year:

• Rosetta Stone, Spanish Levels 1, 2 and 3 with the Audio Companion



• A diamond eternity band, any brand will work



• A new job


• Tickets to the sold out Kings of Leon concert
• A Nintendo Wii (with Mario Kart)

If you forgot my address, just let me know and I can give it to you again. It's ok Santa, everyone makes mistakes. I look forward to seeing you soon!

Oh Vegas, How You Rocked My World...

Can I first say how happy I am that all of the Christmas gayness and glee is over! Man, I didn't think I was going to make it there for a minute. But, here I am, on the other side of "the holidays", looking forward to the next chapter.

During the week that would normally be spent wandering the crowded shopping mall amongst the hyperactive children and Emo kids, I decided to introduce myself to the majesty of Las Vegas, Nevada... and it was beautiful. I loved every second of Vegas, well aside from the hangovers, and the $86 bar tab, and I can't wait to go back.

A' and I landed in Vegas on Wednesday and about an hour after we arrived at our hotel it started pouring snow. Yes, snow in the desert. Everyone in the town was freaking out. Driving like morons, canceling school, even closing the airport, but we didn't let it stop us. Actually, it was warmer there than it was when we left Kansas City that morning, so we kind of enjoyed it. Some people told us it was the first time Vegas had seen snow in 5 years, others said it was the most snowfall since 1979. In the end, nothing really accumulated and it just looked like it had rained but by that point we were already exploring the town and all of it's glory.

Our first night there we experienced a $30 buffet at the Rio, beers were another 5 bucks a pop. I wouldn't really mind paying $30 for a buffet if I ate even half of what they offered but unfortunately I don't eat seafood, crab legs, sushi, or anything fishy. Don't worry, I made up for it at the dessert bar. After dinner we played the bar for a little bit and met this really interesting couple from Palm Springs. John and Judy. These two were something else!

John and Judy had to have been in their 70's and had the stories to back it up. These two have been everywhere, seen everything and knew everybody! They had stories of everyone from Clint Eastwood to Mohammad Ali. Not to mention, John is nearly best friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger and had so many hilarious stories about their friendship. On top of all of their great stories, John and Judy were just great people. They are Vegas regulars and shared tips on the best places to go and things to see and do. Not only that but they were definitely the VIP high rollers in every casino, you could tell they have spent a lot of money at those places.

From the casino bar we went to a couple of other bars inside the casino then made our way over to Bally's to dance the night away with this awesome band. Judging by their dance moves, you would have thought J&J we're teenagers!? They were awesome! And I'm not talking your grandma's dance moves. John later told me that he frequently wins dance contests.... hip hop dance contests. No lies.

At the close of our drunken evening J&J told us to meet them at Caesar's Palace the next night and they would take us to the VIP lounge for dinner and drinks. We stumbled back to our hotel and crashed for the night.

The rest of our time in Vegas only got better from there. Caesar's Palace, New York New York, Moon @ the Palms (*amazing*), Fremont Street light show, Stratosphere, and so much more. I plan on writing more Vegas adventures but if I cram it all into this blog it will be exhausting to read. To sum it up, it was great. You should go.

However, it did put a huge dent in my Christmas shopping, but I managed to get it all in somehow (I finally finished all of my gift buying at 4:30 on Christmas Eve). And now we're counting down to the New Year! I'm pretty excited for 2009, it can't be much worse than 2008! More to come...

Awkward...

Why is it that at work functions everyone feels obligated to laugh at your manager's stupid jokes?  If one of your friends or your brother were to make the same joke you would probably just stare at them, or change the subject.  So, why do people act so stupid around upper management?

Last week was our annual "Holiday Luncheon" for my department at work, and it was awkward from the start.  The first order of business was deciding who would be riding together.  Instead of inviting myself into one of my coworkers cars and having to sit on half chewed Cheerios between two car seats I decided to go solo.  Plus I didn't feel like clearing out the months worth of junk in my backseat to make room for someone's awkward small talk on the way to lunch.  Therefore, I hightailed it to the parking garage and told everyone I'd meet them there.  

The next awkward moment involved the bread plate.  Everyone sees the bread sitting there, starring at me, mocking me, next to the sparkly plate of oil and hummus.  Why is everyone so horrified to take the first piece of bread?  Waiting... waiting... waiting over awkward small talk ... salivating..... FINALLY... my manger makes a break for the first piece.  Whew.... now we all cleared for takeoff.  

A few minutes later we're down to the last piece- again- everyone just ignores the lonely piece of bread as if it weren't even there.  Man, I want it bad... I'm real hungry... but if I take it I'll look like a rude fatass.  So I ignore it.... there it sits... all alone... waiting for me to eat it....

Over lunch we're all chatting, mostly about work, which I hate by the way.  Why do we always talk about work, even when we're not at work?  Yes, I realize that work is what we all have in common but come on.  I'm sure we can find other things to talk about.  We can talk about the weather, or how horrible the Chiefs are this season, I don't really care, as long as it's not about Barbara who called you this morning and was angry because her shipment was misdelivered.  Who-Cares.  

It was during our awkward lunch that I realized just how stupid people act around their managers and coworkers.  I've noticed it in past lunches and meetings before, especially the ones where the vice president of our department attends, but today it was over the top.  Every story, remark or comment that either one of our managers made was followed by an uproar of laughter.  Everything was funny.  Every question had an answer and every opinion was supported.  There was one point during lunch when something really dumb was said and everyone cracked up like it was soooooo funny.  It wasn't funny at all!?  You would have thought we were dining with Eddie Murphy.  

Is this how everyone acts around their managers?  Why do we act like this?  They're just regular old people.  It's not like we're kissing ass because that's totally unnecessary in my department.  I just don't get it.  

I'm Funny...

Remember when I started this blog and said I was going to try something new everyday and blog about it everyday?  Hahaha!  I'm funny.

Why Christmas Sucks Part II

Update on the car wreaths: My #1 amiga, Meg, informs me that she has already come in contact with cars fully decorated in Christmas lights and garland. Gag me with a spoon.

You wanna know another thing I hate about Christmas? Santa hats. Unless you're A) playing Santa for your 5-year-old niece, B) working part time at your local mall as Santa, or C) dressing up as naughty Mrs. Claus for your boyfriend you should not own a Santa hat.

Nothing evokes more crazy stares from me than seeing some crazy old lady at the grocery store wearing a Santa hat. WHY!? You're not cute. You're not clever. You're weird.

As I was walking through the parking garage on the way out of work the other day, some strange, portly woman drove past me wearing a Santa hat. I just don't get it. It was a random Thursday!

So please folks, let's just leave the Santa hats on the Wal-Mart shelves where they belong and maybe try a scarf, or a headband instead.

(ps- the lady pictured wearing the oh-so stylish santa hat is not me. i can assure you of that.)

An Open Letter to the Tooth Fairy

My mom called me today to read me a letter she found stuck in between some old VHS tapes or something.  Enjoy...

Dear Tooth Fairy,

I went to the dentist today and he pulled two teeth, but those teeth were rotten, so I could not keep them.  His helper gave me one fake tooth but I want to keep that one, so I am writing you this letter for two dollars because he pulled two teeth.

Love,

Kate

A)  I've never had a fake tooth, ever.

B)  I'm obviously trying to con the tooth fairy into giving me $2 instead of $1.

C)  Why did I sign "love" Kate?  It's the tooth fairy, not my Grandma.

D)  My mom assured me that I did get my $2 after all.  

The First One of the Season

So, it's Christmastime.  Blah, blah, blah.  I used to really like this time of year.  The changing of the seasons bringing the first winter snowfall.  Christmas parties with friends and family.  Great food and company.  Time off of school.  I could go on.  But now, I'm not a big fan of "the holidays".

There are several reasons, some petty and some depressing, as to why I could do without all the hoopla that comes with Christmas, but I'm sure it's mostly just because I'm getting older.  Bah humbug.

Nevertheless, I was reminded today of why I would prefer we just skip from Halloween right into New Year's.  This reminder came in the form of one of the strangest festive decor that has some how become acceptable in these parts.   That would be the car wreath.

The only thing that comes to mind when I see one of these hideous disasters is "why?!".  Why, why, why, why, why!?  Oh, and the desire to rip off your entire front grill of your car.  Wait, it's usually a van.  Does this phenomenon occur in other areas of the world, or is this just another gem of the Midwest?  

What's even worse that fastening a car wreath to your precious grocery-getter is a car wreath that's been rigged with lighting.  Now, I'm no mechanic, nor am I a car wreath expert (thank God) so I have no idea where the light generator comes from.  Are they battery operated and do you have to turn on a switch every time you cruise around town so that everyone can see your sweet light show?  And when you get home do you have to remember to shut off the switch so that you don't run out you're double A's?  Or is your lighted beauty hooked up to your car somehow and automatically turns on and off on it's own?  Fancy.  

Car wreaths, I hate you.  You are one of the tackiest Christmas decorations I have come across in my day  (that includes that air pump operated merry-go-round that gets blown over and rolls into the street).   If you cross my path I can't guarantee you'll be safe, because I want you in the trash.  Or at least on a door where you belong.  And if you are a culprit of this seasonal eyesore, I'm not afraid to tell you that I hate you too.... and so do your kids, they're just too embarrassed to tell you.   

Bueller? Bueller?

I've been noticeably absent lately. Absent in blog and absent in life.

I'll try posting tonight... maybe after a bottle... or two... of wine. We'll see...